Surrender

I think I’m starting to like The Belgian.  I suppose this is the goal.  But, once feelings begin to enter the picture, well, let’s just say the picture goes from light and breezy to dark and twisted.  In other words, my head and my heart begin to war with one another.  I don’t like this.  At all.

After Friday’s muddy make out session, we made plans to see each other Sunday, but it never happened.  My phone died, and I couldn’t reach him until later that night, when I finally came up with the idea to message him on LinkedIn. He wasn’t at all bothered that I didn’t get a hold of him. I expressed that I would have been upset if the situation were reversed.  He said he just figured I had something else to do.   Am I dating a robot?  I’ve been watching Westworld; maybe The Belgian is a “Host.”

We meet for dinner Tuesday night, and he kisses me softly when I meet him.  I’m slowly starting to melt, which translates into me beginning to freak out.  It’s easy to date when I’m in the role of innocent bystander.  Now, suddenly, I’m part of the show.

We talk about things on our ‘bucket list,’ and he tells me he wants to buy a sailboat.  Sailing is one of those things that’s perpetually on my list, but I’ve never quite found the time or the energy to commit to.  He wants to sail to the Keys, and maybe I can go with him…?  He then asks where I’d like to be in five years.  Am I on a job interview? I’ve never been much of a planner, and I can tell he is.  But he also seems to be able to get things done, which I find appealing.

We share similar interests, but I’m still not entirely at ease in his presence.  What to do with all that uncertainty? As we sit across from one another at the table, he reaches out and takes my hands into his.  This makes me think of a friend, who asks me periodically if I’ve met “Mr. Hand Holder” yet? (I’ve expressed to my friend that I’m not only looking for someone to have sex with, but who also wants to hold my hand).

Maybe I have…

This week’s song, totally unrelated to the post, is dedicated to my friend, confidante and fellow concert kid Chuck, who accompanied me to see the Drive-By Truckers this week.  On second thought, I suppose “Surrender Under Protest” may suit the post after all.

 

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