To Text or Not to Text.  That is the Question.

I hate waiting.  This is why I have a love/hate relationship with texting.  With friends, the rules with texting are simple:

  1. I send a text.  I get one back.
  2. I receive a text.  I text back.

Early in my dating career (yes, I think I’ve put enough time in), I breezily texted guys with reckless abandon.  A text would appear, and I would answer it.  “Whoa!  You answered right away?”  My guy friends told me that made me look desperate.

Really?

Now, I have learned to strategically wait, because we all know I’m out running marathons or better yet, doing yoga (men love chicks who do yoga), saving whales and other equally amazing activities.  Clearly, I don’t have time to text while I’m straddling a Humpback Whale.

So, when I lay on my bed and watch Netflix at night, what do I do then?

I try to answer a text within what I guess is an acceptable time frame.  NOTE:  there is A LOT of guessing going on in this process.  Unlike in Friend-land, response times in the dating world often vary considerably, from immediate (suspicious), to 5-15 minutes (good and evidently normal), to hours, days, even weeks.

This is always a topic for post-game analysis with my roommate/little sister/dating coach/comedian/friend/confidante.  We try to decode not only the time it takes to respond, but the response itself.   Is he into the chase?  Am I coming on too strong?  Is he busy, uninterested, or just a bad texter?   It’s all so confusing. And at 52, I wonder, aren’t we old enough to not have to do this anymore?

Which leads me to one of my best friends, who I’ll call PB (a nod to the Peanut Butter t-shirt she was wearing when we met in seventh grade). PB got on match.com for a short stint, but decided she’s not into dating right now. Since she had some time left on her subscription, she is going to conduct an experiment:  message guys with whatever crosses her mind, no matter how crazy or outrageous it would make her appear.

This inspires me.  I decide to send a text to let One Guy know that I was disappointed that our communication recently fell off.  He called me back and we talked it out.  Like grownups.

Thanks PB.

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