Like everyone else, I am trying to cope with these bizarro times. And I mean bizarro respectfully, as all the current happenings are serious and weighty and important. But, I’m not that great at being serious and important. Weighty is an entirely different story. I’ll get to that in a minute. First, the dating updates.
I don’t know if all the guys I know have reached their breaking point, but I’ve been the lucky recipient of several offers to have sex recently. I know, I know, very generous of them to think of me. But, since I have grown so much, both emotionally and physically (again, we’ll get back to that), I haven’t been bending over backwards, or forwards, to take them up on it. I did try to do the friends with benefits thing recently, but it ends up just feeling hollow. I need the opposite of hollow.
However, spurred on by a friend’s recent rapid-fire dating experiences, I did follow up on one offer. Enter army guy.
Army guy and I dated a few times back in the beginning of the year, but it seemed to just fade out, or in my brain, he ghosted me. He popped up to tell me about a concert that was streaming back in May, and we texted back and forth a tiny bit. He ended the conversation with “take care.” Now, in my world, take care means fuck off. So, my reaction of course, was, oh, hell no.￼
This week, however, he texted me and said, “…I’m not sure why we stopped talking.” I took the bait and told him I didn’t either, which led to an invitation to meet. Since he’s been on double lock-down due to a blown-out knee, I decided to go for it, so we met up.
Our plan was to go for a walk, and pretty early on he commented that when he texted me, I sounded distant and uninterested. My response was, well, you told me to TAKE CARE! He didn’t understand, so I explained to him what take care means to me. He was genuinely astonished that I took it that way. I told him I’d do some recon (army lingo), to determine if my friends (especially the nicer ones), agreed with me. He responded by saying it was only important that I felt that way, and we went on to have a nice, albeit sweaty, walk around the downtown Tampa riverfront.
Back to weighty. I’m trying to use this time to become more grounded, so I am journaling and attempting meditation, which has been supplemented by almost daily trips to the golden arches to score an Oreo McFlurry.
I know all about weighty.